Kindergarten Challenges

I never thought B would have such a hard time adjusting to Kindergarten. He was really looking forward to his new school, new teachers, and meeting new friends. Overall, he really likes his school and his teacher. But, we are having some difficulty adjusting to the transition. He is trying to move from playing all day and having the freedom to do what he wants to having to sit in a classroom, listen to a teacher, and do as he is told.

At B's school, they follow an approach to teaching self discipline which they refer to as Discipline with Purpose (DWP). There are five skills listed in the classroom and they consist of Listening, Following Instructions, Asking Questions, Sharing, and Social Skills. I should also note that his classroom uses a "traffic light" to chart the day's behavior. If the child is following all of the DWP's then their light stays on green. With any offense against the DWP's, the child has to change their light to yellow, and then red if there are more offenses. There is mercy! The child can redeem himself and move his light back to green. Then there is the "white slip." A white slip is issued if the child continues to misbehave in the classroom or if the child does something that is considered unsafe (to himself or another child). A while slip must go home to the parent for review, be signed, and returned the next day. A while slip also warrants a visit with the Vice Principal (the child, not the parent).

B has been in school for a month. For the majority of this month, he has come home with red or yellow lights. He has also brought home four white slips. B has also earned a fair share of green lights. Prince Charming and I never thought that our child would spend so much time in the Principal's office as a Kindergardener.

B seems to have difficulty with following instructions after being redirected by the teacher and listening. He struggles most with completing his work in a timely manner. He will be given a task (easy worksheet to complete) and where most children are done in 10 or 15 minutes, it will take him an hour to finish. This isn't due to the task being hard for him. It has everything to do with him wasting time, messing around, and trying to play. Bottom line, he would much rather play in the classroom than do silly work. He is a BOY! I get this! But, after a month he is earning yellow and red lights for the SAME infractions. He knows the right way to behave, he just chooses not to. He understands that when he completes his work, he can move on to bigger and better things like Centers (playing in the classroom). He is aware of the reward, but that doesn't seem to motivate him.

Prince Charming and I have become very frustrated. He is so smart, loves learning, is curious about everything, and loves his school. We have been puzzled as to why he just can't get his work done so that he can do fun things. After the second white slip we decided to limit his privileges at home. He could earn them back when he had another green light day. In hindsight, this was probably a bad idea. Now, not only was he under intense pressure at school to perform up to their standards, he also got pressure from home (his safe place) to do well. I fear this has only made things worse for him.

At my wits end, I decided to reach out to an old Parenting Group instructor for some help. She counsels school age children and I thought she would be a good place to start. Prince Charming and I met with her last night and had a great meeting. She has some good ideas and will be contacting B's teacher with a plan that she thinks will help him to start succeeding in the classroom. We are also going to change things at home. We are going to lighten up around here. When B receives a red light or white slip at school, we feel that is punishment enough. He will not lose any privileges at home. B is going to come up with a list of rewards (going on a bike ride, a trip to the park, going out for an ice cream cone) that he can earn by getting green or yellow lights.

My biggest fear is that a stigma has been placed on him in the classroom and as a result he will start thinking that he can't succeed. I don't want him to doubt himself. Fortunately he has a patient teacher that is eager to find a system that works for him. I am hoping that she takes the counselor's suggestions and runs with them.

We just want our son to be happy. We want him to enjoy learning and be active and successful in his school community. I have faith that he will figure this out.