Ignorance is Bliss

Little did I know that this sweet little Baby B would cause so much stress when he entered Kindergarten. These days, I desperately wish I could go back to this time and cuddle him and nurse him. Back to the time where the main things I worried about were whether or not he was eating enough and whether or not he would let me sleep just a little bit longer at night. New babies are so easy. I rock them, I nurse them, I bathe them, I smile at them, I love them. And in return, I get smiles and coos, heads that smell so delicious, and love.

Fast forward five years and I still cuddle and kiss him, feed him, bathe him, laugh with him, and love him. And in return I get big hugs and kisses, laughter and fun, and lots of love. But, I also get sassiness, arguing, and the occasional fit. The biggest challenge B has given us thus far is his transition into Kindergarten.

B is really smart, has an amazing vocabulary, has an even more profound memory, and is a very good kid. He doesn't harm others, truly enjoys being good and doing the right thing, and he LOVES learning. What is causing his parents so much grief is that he simply chooses not to do the right thing.

The one thing that B is having the most trouble with in Kindergarten is simply finishing his work. Sometimes he starts the work but doesn't complete it. Other times he just doesn't even start. Is the work hard? No. It is stuff that he could do in his sleep. Is the work interesting? It depends. If B has to write or color, he doesn't enjoy the rote work. If it is patterning, or cutting with scissors, or connect the dots, or computer lab, or math of some sort, he usually has an easier time finishing that work. What is he doing when he isn't working? He is sitting in his chair, trying to entertain himself somehow. B knows that if he completes his work, he gets rewarded. He loves getting those rewards. He also knows that if he doesn't do his work, he won't get those rewards. Still, he chooses not to do the work.

He also tends to tell authority figures "No" when he is asked to do something that he doesn't want to do. B knows that speaking like that to a teacher or another person "in-charge" is not respectful and kind. He knows the appropriate response as he has demonstrated it many times in role play. Yet, sometimes he chooses to be rude.

B really wants to do the right thing. This morning I heard him giving himself a little pep talk in his room before he came out. He was saying, "Today I am going to have a good day at school." He said it a few times. This kid wants to figure it out. He wants to have good days. We just aren't quite sure why he makes the choice not to. I feel like I don't know what I can do to help him. My bag of tricks is depleted and I need new resources. His teacher is just as baffled.

I get the impression, both from what I have read and from the vibe I get from B's teacher, that people are quick to diagnose a child with ADD/ADHD. After some research, I don't think that is what is going on with B. A child with ADD/ADHD could not sit and play with a toy for as long as B does. Nor could that child endure a long, drawn out dinner with adults without leaving his seat.

Driven by an intense need to help my child succeed in his school environment, I have scoured the internet for any information that could help. In passing, my mother in law had mentioned getting him tested for giftedness. I wrote it off at first because I didn't think that his school work merited a giftedness classification. But, after some research on the topic, I realized that being gifted has nothing to do with grades and everything to do with how he thinks. Here are some characteristics that hit home with me:

Reasons well, learns rapidly, has extensive vocabulary, has an excellent memory, has a long attention span (if interested), sensitive, perfectionistic, intense, has a strong curiosity, perseverant in their interests, has high degree of energy, has a wide range of interests, has a great sense of humor, early or avid reader, concerned with justice/fairness, is a keen observer, has a vivid imagination, tends to question authority, has facility with numbers, and is good at jigsaw puzzles.

I felt like that list was describing my child, specifically. How could a list know him so well? Am I confident that B is gifted and that is why he is struggling in school? No. But, reading that list inspired us to have him tested. That appointment isn't for another two weeks. Until then I feel like I am in limbo. We keep having issues at school, however there has been some improvement over the past few weeks. I feel like there is nothing I can do but keep encouraging and rewarding the correct behaviors and help him learn from the mistakes that he makes in the classroom.

The thing I am looking forward to most about his appointment is that we will (hopefully) come away with guidance and resources and tools with which we can use to help our sweet boy. I do not have any education in the field of neuropsychology and that is why we are having him evaluated by a professional. Is he gifted? Perhaps. Does he have ADD/ADHD? Perhaps. This professional can help us figure all of this stuff out. He also might tell us that we have a precocious five year old boy with a strong personality.

Bottom line is that we want to give B all the tools he needs to succeed in the classroom and we are fresh out of ideas. I am also looking forward to the day when I can pick him up from school without having anxiety about the report I will get from his teacher. No one said that parenting was easy. But, I didn't think we would have this kind of stress until he was a teenager.

Hopefully we will get some answers and guidance soon.